IF THE SHOE FITS? WEAR IT! And quite complaining that your feet hurt; the children you are supposed to care so much about have far more pain than you have yet imagined.
Child sexual abuse—especially when the abuse takes place at the hands of a family member—is extremely difficult to prove, especially when it takes place in the context of a bitterly contested divorce and a bitter disagreement over child custody.
Same psychologist—different subject—testified that Arlen Slobodow fell well within the range of “normal,” despite the fact that said psychologist had also thrown out Slobodow’s tests and based his opinion on interview. (And guess what the tests showed about Slobodow? Hah! Not good. The psychologist had to throw out said tests, if he was to have anything positive to say about the father of Elsa’s children.)
God only knows who else used that term about Newman—“crazy”. Perhaps it was certain members of the jury, who declared that they knew before the trial ever started that Elsa was guilty.
Do you remember Elizabeth Morgan? The doctor who sent her child into hiding and spent two years in jail for refusing to tell where the child was…because Elizabeth Morgan believed the child’s father was sexually abusing her? Elizabeth Morgan was also labeled “crazy.”
I read on the internet of other women who have similarly tried to help their children gain freedom from a sexually abusive father. And what is it that I read? Crazy! Crazy! Crazy!
However, my best guess after taking a long, hard look at what the internet has to offer…as well as taking a long, hard look books like the one co-authored by Michelle Etlin and Leora Rosen, The Hostage Child, is that it is not at all the protective, loving mothers who are “crazy.”
It is the prosectors and the courts, the American “justice” system and the judges who practice court-ordered child abuse. Now that is what’s crazy.
Perhaps you will indulge me. Take time to read the material I have transcribed below—material in which Elsa Newman recorded, without personal comment, the horrors her children disclosed to her. As you read, please remember that these are only a portion of the facts on which Elsa Newman based her certainty that Arlen Slobodow was sexually abusing and misusing her children. There are many more. There is not time to include all of them.
I’m indulging in a rant, I know. Sorry. But please read on, anyhow, knowing that you are only reading a portion of the disclosures that these children made.
If I understand correctly, the Chief Deputy Attorney General of the State of Maryland, Katherine Winfree, in the days before she became Chief Deputy Attorney General, wrote to Florida authorities, explaining very sweetly that thorough investigations had been done in the state of Maryland…and there was no evidence that Arlen Slobodow was sexually abusing his sons.
Let us ignore for a moment the fact that this was not just a highly unusual communication for someone in a position of authority to make, it was also highly unethical. In addition, I wonder about the legality of it—but that is, admittedly, just a random thought of mine that popped into my head.
So…there was no evidence in Maryland of sexual abuse, huh? Let me set out here a few disclosures by Elsa Newman’s children, and you can decide for yourself.
First—please refer to the recent post I recently made in several blogs, as welling as sending the letter out by email: “An Open Letter to Dr. Jill Scharff,” in which I noted that I believe Dr. Scharff has considerable evidence of the abuse of the boys by their father, Arlen—and that she has declined to offer it to authorities, citing physician-client privilege, after she had already reported sexual abuse of the two boys, by Slobodow.
Second—let’s take a look at some of the disclosures made during visits with Mom, Elsa Newman, at District of Columbia Family Services. These visits were made with an observer/supervisor in the room, and the disclosures themselves are dated:
March 1, 2001—Herbie called dad evil. Said he hated Dr. Fox and dad.
March 8, 2001—Elsa asked one of the boys why his voice was raspy. The boy’s answered, “I was yelling at dad that I hate him and Dr. Fox. I don’t want to see Dr. Fox anymore.”
March 15, 2001—Per Herbie “Dad cut up the toy that mom had given.” He repeated this to Mrs. Wilma Daniels, the supervisor at the time, who wrote it down. Maternal grandmother, now in Florida, saw this.
March 20, 2001—Lars says, “Dad does not break our toys anymore, just hurts us.” Herbie instructed, “Don’t tell her, she tells dad. Dad beat me for telling about the toy.” (Social worker instructed Elsa not to give toys any more.)
Lars says, “My bottom hurts.” Why? Lars turns to supervisor and says, “because Dad keeps stuffing toys in my bottom.” Herbie interrupts, “Don’t tell her, she tells dad, and dad beat me for telling about the toy.”
April 2, 2001 Both boys say Dad is mean to Herbie, Dad is too old [possible reference to sexual relationship with Herbie. Lars is younger and therefore more attractive to a pedophile.]
Herbie states that he is punished by not being able to go to Sunday School.
April 3, 2001 Lars states, “My bottom hurts.” Supervisor, at this time a woman named Magwood, asked, “What did he say?” She called Lars over and asked about the statement. “Dad puts toys in my bottom.”
April 9, 2001, Herbie has a long bruise mark on his arm from dad. Stated that he had burned his arm because his dad would not let him get his Pokemon cards. Ms. Firestein was sitting in.
May 29, 2001, Photo of bruise on Lars’ nose during supervised visit. Bruises on face. Janice Magwood is again the supervisor. Germain Walker also present. Lars would not say what had happened.
May 22, 2001—Herbie said he hates Dad. Dad puts toys out and turns TV on when Ms. Magwood is coming. Said, “Dad made me eat ants.” He showed Elsa how dad had squished the ants in his [Herbie’s] mouth. Supervisor Janice Magwood heard this. Did nothing about it. This occurred at the Child and Family Services building.
June 11, 2001, Lars says, “Mom, you said what we said was lies, but they weren’t. We told the truth of what dad does. Herbie goes to Magwood and says, “Dad takes us into a dark room and puts toys into our bottom.” Herbie, when asked, says he tells the therapist. Elsa asked what Dr. Fox does “Nothing.” Magwood says, “That is the first time he talked to me like that.”
June 13, 2001—Magwood says “kids said so much already, why must they say more?” Elsa notes that she perceives this as an excuse not to report. Asks that readers remember that this is the DC case dismissed against her, when she was accused of abuse and neglect.
June 22, 2001—Magwood returns Lars to Arlen’s House. They are all in the same car. Lars waves. Arlen pulls Lars off the railing, wrenches his arms of the railing and drags him into the house. Magwood saw this.
July 16, 2001—Photos of rash. Dr. Dugan says this rash can be sexually transmitted. [I believe this is in reference to a time when Herbie had a rash from his anus, spreading out to his buttocks and up to his shoulders. If this is the time and the physician I am thinking of, Dr. Dugan muttered “or a wet bathing suit” and did not report.
Third--Let’s move on to another diary of disclosures the boys made to their mother:
March, 2000—Lars and Herbie, “Dad wrestles with us and tickles us and he won’t stop.
March 12, 2000—Harbie insists that Dad is not his father, that he is an alien.
March 25, 2000—Herbie asks me why I make him have visits with Dad.
April 1, 2000—Herbie said he had an accident at Dad’s and Dad kept calling him “peeboy” until Lars threw himself at Dad.
April 13, 2000—At bedtime, Herbie begged me not to send him to Dad’s. He wouldn’t stop crying because I could not agree not to send him.
April 16, 2000—Dad Kicked Herbie, threw grass on him (which he is allergic to) & touched his private parts.
April 27, 2000—Herbie came home crying from Dad’s, saying he could not see.
May 4, 2000—Herbie said Dad calls him fat & that Dad rewards Lars when he says Mom hit him & Herbie says that’s not true.
May 6,2000—Arlen kicked Herbie & Lars; keeps telling Herbie he doesn’t love him & that Lars would go to heaven & Herbie to hell.
May 12, 2000—Herbie tells me all evening he doesn’t want to go to Dad’s tomorrow.
June 3, 2000—Lars said Dad kicked him in the crotch until he [Lars] kicked Herbie in the crotch. Dad kicked and punched both of them and laughed.
June 10, 2000—Dad bit Herbie’s arm leaving 2 red dots. Dad said Herbie & I [Elsa] were going to die in a fire.
June 18, 2000—Dad smooshed Herbie’s shoe in dog doo & made Herbie clean it. Dad takes Lars to a private room.
June 27, 2000—Dad pushed Herbie down the stars. Lars said Dad put his mouth on Lars’s wee wee. Herbie saw Lars with Dad in his room with his pants pulled down. On the way back home, Dad said, “We’re going to terrible Mom’s.”
[NOTE: I’m interrupting here to insert records from a July 11, 2000 visit to a medical doctor. These are marked NOT privileged—medical records. I therefore assume that I am free to use them.
Notation on the records states that three persons were present for the examination of Herbert: mother, brother and patient. The record continues:
Subjective: 7 yr. old Caucasian boy here for medical evaluation. Father reportedly has bitten his crotch/put finger in anus. Denies dysurea (?), rectal pain or rectal itching. Mother has seen occasional scratching. Herbert bathes himself, but his mother helped bathe last 2 nights. Has not visted father for last 2 weeks. Seen by pediatrician on this am referral to CAP. Mother concerned missed visitation for examination.
Disclosure by Child: My father has tickled/bitten my crotch and put his finger in my butt. (Giggling with brother)…mother did ask both boys if father ever touched their butts (bottom).
Objective: Age & size appropriate 7 yr old. Neatly dressed. Circumsized penis no lesions or marks penus or scrotal sac testes descended. Anus—red (?) skin folds and tone, hyperpigmental ring extremity 3 cm from anus—symmetric acute excoriation between anal folds. Shallow. Multiple. [also notes insect bits and plantars warts]
Assessment/diagnosis: symmetric hyperpigmentation (?) digital penetration of rectum. No loss of skin folds or tone. No evidence bit marks on genitals Normal examination does not exclude digital petetration.
Lars-mother, brother and patient
Subjective: 4 ½-year old Caucasian boy here for examination. Seen also this a.m. in pediatrician’s office referral to CAP. Denied dysuria or pan or defecation per mother. Usually bathes and toilets self.
Disclosure by child: My father bits my crotch and puts toys in my bottom.
Objective: No penile lesion circumcised testes descended. No scrotal lesions. Anal tone normal, does have intermittent dilation…normal finding in knee chest position…small ring post inflammatory hyperpigmentation 1 cm from anal verge.
Assessment: Normal examination does not exclude digital penetration. No evidence of genital trauma.
Treatment: sitz baths.
Follow-up visit: Herbert
Progress notes: 8-yr-old boy with rash in perianal anus
…atopy and ecxema
Perianal rash with circles of scale
No intact pistules
On both cheeks of buttocks
Note here that proving child sexual abuse can be difficult in the extreme, especially when the abuser is someone close to the child, like a father. Physician seems unwilling to make a statement—but will not exclude such abuse either.]
July 16, 2000—Lars tells me his bottom hurt & I saw symmetrical red marks inside his anus. Lars said Dad put the feet of a transformer toy in his bottom. Herbie said Dad took Lars into the private & closed the door. Lars said Dad made noises like this, “uh…uh” when he did it.
September 10, 2000—Herbie said Lars got in his bed in the middle of the night and Tickled Herbie’s crotch (Lars slept in Dad’s bed.) Lars wet the bed.
September 11, 2000—Lars wet the bed again.
September 24, 2000—Herbie said no one likes him at Dad’s. Dad twisted his arm behind his back and bent his wrist backwards. Dad gave him one French fry for dinner. Lars said Dad tickled his crotch.
September 26, 2000—Dad told Lars to hit Herbie & rewarded him [Lars] with candy.
October 3, 2000—In the middle of the night, Lars came in my room and said eh was scared of Dad tickling his peepee because he always does that.
October 4, 2000—While we were walking the dog at school waiting for Herbie. Lars told me he is scared of Dad because Dad is mean to Herbie.
October 9, 2000—Herbie again tells me he follows Dad & Lars to the basement in the middle of the night because he’s afraid Dad will touch Lar’s crotch. Herbie said Dad threw his clothes on the fan and he had to get them with no clothes on. Then Dad threw his clothes downstairs and Herbie had to run downstairs. Then Dad threw the clothes outside & Herbie went outside w/o clothes to get them.
October 10, 2000—A.m. Both say, separately, they don’t want to visit Dad. At bedtime, Herbie says he stayed home alone at Dad’s, he cannot play w/any toys. Dad tells Christina Mom puts toys in Lars’s bottom & the kids don’t tell the truth (&C said I’m a bad Mom) that Lars tickled Herbie’s crotch & pulled is pants down, that Dad said he hates Herbie & called him stupid. Lars wets his bed several times tonight.
October 17, 2000—Both kids demonstrate the tiny piece of tomato Herbie was given to eat at Dad’s.
October 18, 2000—Lars afraid to go to the bathroom alone, afraid to go upstairs to get a toy.
October 23, 2000—Both kids said Dad tickled their crotches & put his hand inside Lars’s pants w/his other hand over Lars’s mouth. When Herbie tried to stop him, Dad punched him. Herbie said Dad played with his wiener & said he was playing the piano. Dad made him do thousands, hundreds, nineties, eighties multiplication & hit his hand hard when Herbie made a mistake. Dad told Herbie he would beat him up if he told him off again. Dad told Herbie not to tell Mom or he would beat him up double.
October 26, 2000—Herbie said he does all the laundry at Dad’s & when he hits the wrong buttons, Dad punches him hard.
November 7, 2000—Lars said his bottom hurts because Dad puts his nails in Lars’s bottom & stuck his nose in Lars’s bottom & a toy. Herbie said Dad made him smell his poop.
November 8—Lars told me he told Dr. Copeland that Dad put his hand in Lars’s bottom & got poop on it and was mad at Lars. Both said that Dad said he would get them at night if they told on him. That Dad would put Herbie’s foot through the window glass & leave Herbie alone w/o bandaid. At dark, Lars followed me all around and held onlto my sweater. He needs reassurinance all the time: what are we doing? do we eat now? Cries if he doesn’t have right cup. Upset if his hair is sticking up a bit. Worries about changing his clothes during the day, Questions me all the time. Anxious.
November 13, 2000—Herbie had a terrible nightmare, screaming that a wolf (transformer) was eating him.
November 14, 2000—Dad motioned Herbie to come outside, made him take his clothes off & tickled him repeatedly. Herbie asked him to stop but he didn’t. Inside he ticked more & gave him a glass of ice water to drink. Lars said in Florida, Dad put tissue paper over his eyes, tying it and pug something in his bottom.
November 19, 2000—Herbie said at Dad’s Lars went in Herbie’s bed again & ticked his crotch. Lars told me his bottom hurt & it looked blistered w/red marks inside. Lars said he tells Dad to stop but he doesn’t. Lars wet Dad’s bed & was hit.
November 27, 2000—Lars said that at night while Herbie was asleep, Dad broke off the chain of Herbie’s mezuzah & took it. Lars said he doesn’t want to visit Dad anymore because he puts toys in his bottom. Herbie said Dad does that to him, too. 20 times, he counted. Dad uses a wolf transformer. Herbie stays alone at Dad’s & Dad unplugs the phones.
November 29, 2000—Lars said Anders put his head under Dad’s tummy (he gestured where) and dad said no, no and “did what Dad dows to us.” Anders showed Dad it was bad.
December 10, 2000—Lars told me he wanted a bath when he got hime because Dad put a toy in his bottom. He said in the middle of the night, Dad took him to the bathroom, tickled his crotch & put a toy in his bottom. Herbie said Dad tickled his crotch when he played the violin. Herbie described how Dad takes his arm, starts laughing, whispers funny & takes him to his room & says, “this toy wants to sleep in there” when he puts a toy in.
December 12, 2000—Lars said Dad made him take all his clothes off & go up to the private room. He sad Dad put a toy in his anus and tickled his peepee. Lars asked me to stay w/him when he was on the toilet. Then he asked me to wipe him. I saw a red ring around the anus. I called John & hee saw it too. When Lars sat down in his bath, I saw a cloud of red puff up in the water & when he got out, the ring was gone.
December 29, 2000—Lars said Dad put his hand in his bottom & that his bottom hurt and his peepee hurt when he pees. Herbie said he punched Dad’s face when Dad put a toy in his bottom and a lens came out of Dad’s glasses and Dad’s nose was bleeding.
December 30, 2000—Lars said Dad is meaner to me than Herbie because dad puts his mouth on my peepee every time he pugs a toy in my bottom. There are 3 drawers with toys. The ones we hate the most are the ones Dad calls good toys & he puts them in our bottoms, a small brontosaurus (Lars) & a small worlf transformer (Herbie). Herbie doesn’t like the transformer because it speaks mean like Dad “hit.” “destroy the world. When you squeeze it, it sticks its tongue out. Also a brachiosaurus goes in Lars’ bottom. In the “bad” drawer are the toys we like to play with that Dad tries to break. Dad takes Lars & uses him as a punching bag. (Herbie gets up and punches in front of him.) Lars said it hurts. Every night Dad takes Lars to the bathroom. Dad showed a video with a magician who makes kids appear naked and with towels around them. Dad took pictures of us with no clothes on and in a pirate costume.
December 31, 2000—At bedtime, Lars says it’s taking too long to stop the visits.
January 1, 2001—At bedtime, Lars says its taking super long to stop the visits. When Lars goes to bed, Herbie must go to the basement & draw nice pictures of Dad (with hair) & of Miss Ward & bad pictures of Aunti Margie & Uncle John. Then he is to put Lars to sleep. He waves a toy back & forth. Said he doesn’t know how. Dad always hits me because I can’t. Lars dances with my weiner.
January 13, 2001—Herbie told me Dad smokes cigarettes.
January 14, 2001—Lars told me the worst thing is when Dad puts his hands in his bottom because his nails are sharp & they hurt. Dad throws shoes at them at nite. Herbie is…
January 16, 2001—Lars told me Dad put a toy in his bottom and touched his peepee.
January 17, 2000—At Dad’s in the middle of the night, Dad took Lars to the basement with a torch and took Lars’s bottoms off & put each leg in one leg of a pair of underpants, then put pajama bottoms back on & took pictures of him. Herbie watched. Dad put a tiny toy, like a lego, in both their bottoms and squeezed their penises. Herbie did not get dinner.
January 19, 2001—Herbie said Dad said if he doesn’t get more money, he’s going to hurt them & kill them.
January 21, 2001—Message that if I called back right away I could have input whether a plastic surgeon should sew up Lars’s face which needed stitches.
January 22, 2001—On phone when I called I asked Herbie if Lars hurt his head by falling. Herbie said no, Mom.
January 30, 2001—Lars told me Dad hurt Herbie’s bottom more than his. Herbie says when he told Dad to stop, he did it more. Herbie’s teacher told me Herbie was eating dirt on the playground.
February 1, 2001—Lars told me Dad put underwear on his head and took pictures of him.
February 11, 2001—Lars showed me where Arlen bites his peepee & I saw tiny dark dots.
February 15, 2001—Timen’s mother told me Herbie did not have lunch some days.
July 7, 2001—On way to school Lars playing a game w/a male figure toy, put his nose to the toy’s rear and said, “I smell your butt & it smells good.” He told me Dad likes to smell theirs. Lars said Dad puts his mouth on Lars’s peepee every morning.
July 13, 2001—Lars told me dad sucks his peepee.
July 16, 2001—Herbie saw Dr. Dugan at 8:30 a.m. & we left @ 9:30. She diagnosed candida. The children said that when I dropped the off Monday, A[rlen] watched me drive away through the window, then took Herbie to his room and “tickled his penis w/his chin.” Then he sent Herbie out, took Lars in his room and closed the door and punched his bottom while he put his mouth on his pee-pee.
Herbie complained that Dr. Fox asks him what bad things Mom does. When Herbie says it’s not Mom who does bad things, she’s good. It’s Dad who does the bad things. Fox tells him that’s not true.
Lars said Anders tries to push dad away when dad puts his mouth on Lars’s peepee, but Dad still doesn’t stop.
Lars told me that Dad holds his legs so he can’t get away. Herbie said dad pushes him down on the bed or chases him until he catches him and holds his legs down while he’s lying on the bed & tickles his weiner with his chin. It stings.
August 3, 2001—When A[rlen] called, Lars asked “why do you touch my private parts when I’m in the bath?”
August 8, 2001—I noticed Lars’s right eyelid was red and puffy and he has been complaining about his eye since he came back. Today he told me that dad hit him in the eye with a shoe.
Herbie showed how Dad punches his stomach. Herbie said Dad punches him there because it doesn’t show bruises there (he said he’s looked at his stomach and seen that it doesn’t show bruises.)) The children both said tha A[rlen] abuses them twice a day.
August 19, 2001—Lars said to Arlen on phone “my pee-pee itches. Why do you put your mouth on my pee-pee?” A[rlen] got off the phone shortly after that.
August 22, 2001—Watching credits of video w/lively music, Lars jumps off my lap and, in front of the TV starts dancing. Then he takes his shirt of & twirls it before throwing it. He puts his thumbs in the waistband of his pants before I stop hem. He tells me he dances like this in dim light in the basement of the new house for Dad & Anders to soft music. Dad pugs his peepee in Lars’s mouth & white stuff came out & I cleaned it off the floor. It wasn’t pee because that is green.
August 4, 2001—On supervised visit, Lars hugged little stuffed animal I gave him and said, “I’ll protect you from dad.”
August 5, 2001—On phone, Lars kept laughing inappropriately and I asked him why. He said Dad was showing him a picture of a girl with a weiner sticking out.
Here ends my copy of Elsa’s journal about the abuse of her children.